lez be real pals, i get really fucking bogged down sometimes. i have recently started to realize that having whimsical experiences and having heart connections with others are coping mechanisms form me and make me feel ‘spiritually rich’ as jessica would say. here are some examples of how i make myself feel better when shit feels hard. this list is really incomplete and will be very different for everyone, but maybe it will get your imagination flowing.
1. light sparklers and drink whiskey in the gnarled garry oaks on an eerie spring night with someone you love
2. bake a pie for someone or a group of people you really care about (preferably strawberry basil) and surprise them with it!
3. share food and love and words with others
3. don’t hang out with people if you don’t want to and try not to apologize for finding large group hangouts where only small talk is possible insufferable and shallow. invite only blanket forts are more my speed.
4. MAKE YOURSELF A BAKED DIP OF ANY KIND (you will never, ever regret this) and watch some fantasy movies (if you’ve never seen legend, start there)
5. dress up in fun outfits and go play outside. don’t be afraid of your imagination.
6. take pleasure in the beauty of nature and get as close to it as you can. i like to bird watch, or lie back and look at the clouds. i like to watch sunsets and splash in puddles and smell flowers.
7. adorn yourself with as many sparkly things as possible, take excessive vanity shots or just enjoy the way you look on your own
8. say the things that you are grateful for about yourself, your body, your loved ones out loud or write them down.
SPARKS NOTES: food, nature, love, rhinestones
“don’t be afraid of your imagination” and "don’t hang out with people if you don’t want to and try not to apologize for finding large group hangouts where only small talk is possible insufferable and shallow. invite only blanket forts are more my speed."
are so fucking important to me right now. And also like, crafting for myself feels really important right now. I love crafting for other people, but I think just taking the time to craft things for me right now feels awesome and whimsical and lovely.
Like today, I’m going to pick some lavender from outside, boil it in water with mint tea, make it into ice cubes, put the ice cubes in a bowl with hand towels, and then take a warm bath while the icy applying the lavender-mint hand towels to my face.
3D lips always look super effective and sophisticated! This is my simple tutorial of how I do a 3D lip! To create a look like this I would suggest using 3 lipsticks a light colour, a darker colour and a black or deep shade.
there is such an incredible amount of grief in my life and my communities right now
And I can’t stop having dreams about death and dying and this grief has practically destroyed me, put me in the hospital, torn apart everything in my world.
But somehow it’s also the greatest blessing I’ve ever been given.
And I’m only just starting to be able to see that. As much as this has all torn me down (is still tearing me down) I’m climbing out of that wreckage a different kind of person.
I don’t apologize for my existence so much anymore. I’m deeply invested in just being the most wonderfully repulsive bizarre ugly beautiful queeny honest conflicted hungry version of myself. My will to live rises and falls like a tide; sometimes it’s barely there at all, but it always comes flooding back up the shore, surprising me by winding it’s watery hands around my ankles and rooting me to the sandy earth. I’m admitting that I’m not okay, I’m allowing myself to ask for help, and I’m taking the help I need. I’m telling the people I love and admire that I love them, now. Not after they’re gone, or I’m gone, now.
This doesn’t mean everythings better. Or that the ~light at the end of the tunnel~ is in my line of vision. But I guess it’s just that grief is complicated, and it’s as beautiful as it is horrifying.
When people are like “just stop wearing lipstick if you don’t want to be misgendered!” And expect me to be ~sew grateful~ that they’ve imparted this ~gift of wisdom~ upon me, as if with all the agonizing I’ve done about my gender it never occurred to me that people might respect my pronouns more if I presented in a normatively masculine manner?
Honestly, how unbelievably arrogant and condescending of you.
OF COURSE I’ve thought about that. Unlike for you, this isn’t a new fucking idea for me. I’ve spent years presenting normative masculinity. But in my beautiful swishy-hipped, big-breasted, high-voiced, femme gesturing bod, it makes no difference in how often people misgender me. People will make up their own mind about what my gender is and whether it’s valid, no matter what I do.
The only difference (in terms of misgendering) between presenting masculine and presenting feminine (for me) is that when I present in a masculine way I feel like I’m suffocating.
If people are going to believe whatever the fuck they want about my gender, I’m just gonna go on and be my bad-ass femme self. At least if I’m a queen I can feel strong and beautiful and honest with myself as I deflect other people’s bullshit.