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♡boyqueen♡

                
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Posts tagged boyqueen music

Mar 7 '14

boyqueen:

Remember that time I was a lil baby just beginning to explore my fem boy-ness and I wrote my "Gender-fierce Anthem"

It’s making my heart so full that that boy, who was in this really bad place and in and out of psych programs because of dysphoria-related mental illness, was still shining so bright with a will to survive. I know it would blow his mind to see me now still alive, and I try to honor that and be thankful ever day.

Now it’s three years later and I’m fundraising for my top surgery. There’s just about 1 week left and $2000 left to raise. 

If you want to, you can help me out by clicking here to donate to my top surgery fundraiser!

Every little bit helps! You can also help by reblogging this post, sharing the campaign link on facebook, and sharing the campaign with your friends and fam.

Click here to donate <3 <3

Mar 7 '14

Remember that time I was a lil baby just beginning to explore my fem boy-ness and I wrote my "Gender-fierce Anthem"

It’s making my heart so full that that boy, who was in this really bad place and in and out of psych programs because of dysphoria-related mental illness, was still shining so bright with a will to survive. I know it would blow his mind to see me now still alive, and I try to honor that and be thankful ever day.

Now it’s three years later and I’m fundraising for my top surgery. There’s just about 1 week left and $2000 left to raise. 

If you want to, you can help me out by clicking here to donate to my top surgery fundraiser!

Every little bit helps! You can also help by reblogging this post, sharing the campaign link on facebook, and sharing the campaign with your friends and fam.

Click here to donate <3 <3

Mar 4 '14
Fever Dreams for Pansies - Hickory Winds (Gram Parsons cover) (Miscellaneous Tracks (2008-2013))

boyqueen:

chubbybirds replied to your video“Hey sweeties! Here’s a quick video about my surgery fundraiser : )…”

Is that you singing?? It’s sooo pretty!

Yep! Thank you : D

It’s a cover of a cover! I grew up on this really incredible folk/americana album “Return of the Grevious Angel”.  It’s a number of…

This may actually be my fav recording of me ever not because it’s the best quality but just because this song means so much to me and reminds me so viscerally of my childhood and listening to it feels like listening to a lullaby

Mar 3 '14
Fever Dreams for Pansies - Hickory Winds (Gram Parsons cover) (Miscellaneous Tracks (2008-2013))

chubbybirds replied to your video “Hey sweeties! Here’s a quick video about my surgery fundraiser : )…”

Is that you singing?? It’s sooo pretty!

Yep! Thank you : D

It’s a cover of a cover! I grew up on this really incredible folk/americana album “Return of the Grevious Angel”.  It’s a number of artists (including Emmylou Harris, The Pretenders, Elvis Costello) covering the work of Gram Parsons, an artist with a pretty interesting life.  There’s a film called “Grand Theft Parsons” about his friends stealing his coffin/body in order to follow his post-mortem wishes (haven’t seen it in like 10 years though!)

ANYWAY, there is a song on that album, originally done by Gram, and covered by Gillian Welch called Hickory Winds.  Here’s a link to her beautiful version

and my cover is up above! I layered multiple tracks so the vocals are all me. xoxo

(also you can buy that track and others of mine at my band camp, just set your own price and go!)

Feb 6 '14

boyqueen:

I get asked about this quite often, so I thought I would make a master post of what I know!  Apologies for such a huge post, feel free to reblog as text or quote it or what-have-you. Also, I’m not a doctor and I can only speak from my own experience.  What I’m saying is not gospel, it’s just the wisdom I’ve learned over the last couple years.

I’ve been singing forever and it’s really important to me.  I had heard so many rumors that taking T would destroy my singing voice and it kept me from starting hormones for many many years.  ( not that i’m bitter or anything :p ) 

Here’s what I’ve learned from my own experience and the experiences of people around me:

  • You can keep your singing voice and take T.  It does take dedicated work though.
  • If you want to keep your singing voice you need to train it often
  • Your range will be restricted during the first few months, but will eventually expand again
  • Starting with a lower dose for the first 3-6 months is extremely helpful for keeping your singing voice
  • For the first few months (and sometimes beyond) you should take care of your voice as if you have a cold
  • Your voice will be different in the end, and you may feel some grief or fear about losing the voice you had

I  will expand on each of those points, but for the people skimming past, those are the basics.

You can keep your singing voice and take T.  It does take dedicated work though.

Yes, you can take hormones AND still be able to sing.  There are lots of amazing musicians out there who have taken testosterone and still have incredible voices.  Here’s a duet I did with my voice before and after hormones.

http://youtu.be/NCzYa9Vlu0w

(that was 5 months ago and my voice is even deeper now)

Don’t let being a singer keep you from taking hormones.  I’ve never been happier or more comfortable with my singing voice than I am now, about 1.5 years on testosterone.

If you want to keep your singing voice you need to train it often

While vocal training is really emphasized for trans folks taking estrogen, it isn’t emphasized for folks taking testosterone.  I strongly recommend vocal training and practice for people taking testosterone as well.  I recommend this for ALL people on T, not just singers.  It’s so so easy to damage your voice (especially in the first few months) if you don’t train it. 

At the most base level I recommend doing warm-ups between 4 and 7 days a week.  Don’t push your voice too much. If you feel it getting worn out, take a break! You can find guided warm ups online for free.  Here’s one I found within 30 seconds of googling:

http://youtu.be/yvb4Rl21-UY

When you do warm-ups you want to be gentle on your voice and focus on quality rather than volume. 

I also recommend getting an understanding of “chest” versus “head” voice and practicing speaking from your chest.  A lot of us speak from our heads and throats before starting testosterone.  To this day it’s really challenging for me to break out of that habit and it really does a number on my throat when i forget.  I instinctively pitch my voice up when I working customer service, babysitting children, or generally attempting to appear non-threatening.  Be aware of things like this, pay attention to how you use your voice and what wears it out. 

Beyond that, if you’re lucky enough to be able to afford weekly or bi-monthly voice lessons, or to purchase a voice lessons CD, I strongly suggest it.  I was lucky that a friend of mine (Eli Conley in the bay area), who has been on T for many years now, teaches sliding scale LGBT singing classes.  If you can find something like that, go for it! If you’re looking for a voice teacher, I would suggest trying to find someone who has experience with young people (of any gender) going through puberty.  All of our voices deepen during puberty and taking T is, of course, a very similar process.  Like people going through puberty, our voices go through some challenging phases during hormones, where our voices may crack, our upper registers may become very weak, and our “break(s)” may become very difficult to “sing through”. 

Your range will be restricted during the first few months, but will eventually expand again

Don’t get discouraged during the first few months! Your singing voice and your range will become limited for a while.  In this helpful study by Alexandro Constansis, (http://www.radical-musicology.org.uk/2008/Constansis.htm) he includes the above chart of his own vocal range. [SEE FIGURE A] You can see that his range contracts and then expands while moving to a lower register.  This was also my experience. 

I imagine a lot of people become discouraged during the first 6 months, convinced they’ve lost there voice forever.  When really, what is happening is a natural (though frustrating) part of the process. 

Starting with a lower dose for the first 3-6 months is extremely helpful for keeping your singing voice

Before starting hormones I decided, for a number of reasons, that beginning with an abrupt high dose was not for me.  Instead I opted for lower dose weekly injections, gradually increasing during the first 6 months or so.  I suspected this would be helpful with my voice for a few reasons.  First was that many male-assigned-at-birth people go through puberty and retain their singing voices.  What makes them different, I wondered? Well, a few things, but one big difference I noticed was that their puberties tended to be more gradual than those of the trans men I knew.  I hoped that a more gradual change would increase the likelihood of retaining my voice.

Another chart from Constansis’ study (http://www.radical-musicology.org.uk/2008/Constansis.htm) confirmed what I had hypothesized: [SEE FIGURE B]

I know the chart is a bit confusing because of the changing Y axis, but essentially it shows that people who took lower doses during their first few months ultimately had better luck with maintaining a wider vocal range. 

The other thing about this is that your first few months are generally the most abrupt changes in your voice.  By slowing down that process, you get a better shot at learning your “new instrument”.  I found that during the first few months my voice would sometimes change drastically over the course of a few days or a week.  It was really jarring as a singer.  It was like I had been playing a piano all this time, but suddenly it was a guitar! And then a few days later it was a flute! By slowing down the process I learned how to use my voice properly and safely at each stage, which ultimately prevented a lot of damage and helped me have a better sense of how to use my voice when it finally settled. 

That’s another reason why constant training and practice is so important.  Missing even a few days can really throw you for a loop. 

I know it can be challenging to be patient with a slightly slower “transition”, but I promise you it is worth it, for singers especially.

p.s. I have a theory (though I can’t prove this, but it was true for me!) that starting with slower doses helps minimize the “cracking” phase.  I had BARELY any cracking in my voice during the whole 6 months.  If that is something you are worried about, take this stuff to heart.)

For the first few months (and sometimes beyond) you should take care of your voice as if you have a cold

Your voice and your throat are so sensitive during the first few months.  Drink LOTS of tea.  I must have drank a whole lake full of hot water with lemon and honey during the first six months.  Drink lots of water, rest your voice.  Practice speaking and laughing from your chest and belly while relaxing your throat/head/face.  If you lose your voice, DO NOT whisper.  This is awful for your voice and can cause long-term damage. 

Anything you would do for a sore throat or lost voice, you should be doing regularly during this time.  Make it part of your routine.  It will save you a lot of damage. Also, I’ve noticed (and a couple of friends noticed) that after starting t, when our voices would get irritated our uvulas would become ENORMOUS (like literally sitting on my tongue).  If that happens, don’t freak out.  Just take it really easy and keep babying your throat.

Your voice will be different in the end, and you may feel some grief or fear about losing the voice you had

Like with all different parts of transition, grief is something that a lot of us experience but don’t always talk about.  It can be really scary to be afraid to lose your singing voice! It can also be really sad or painful when a voice that has carried you through hard times, that has meant so much to you, changes.  I love my new voice and I couldn’t be happier, but I did go through a period of mourning for the singing voice I had turned to so often when I was experiencing extreme emotions. Just be aware that this is something that might happen, and if it does you’re not alone <3

I will inevitably add more to this post at some point.  Please feel free to add any info you have, or links to other relevant threads, in the comments.  Also, feel free to ask me any questions you might have!

Here’s a link to a really useful article about testosterone and singing voices, with a lot of helpful links at the bottom:

http://transguys.com/features/testosterone-ftm-singing

Here are my music pages, in case you want to hear some more!  :)

https://www.facebook.com/FeverDreamsForPansies
http://www.youtube.com/user/prettylittledoughboy
http://feverdreamsforpansies.bandcamp.com/

Oh I forgot I made this thing! Yay!

Jan 28 '14
Fever Dreams for Pansies - Lies (Marina & the Diamonds cover) (Miscellaneous Tracks (2008-2013))

sometimes i forget my voice is okay.

Jan 20 '14
Jan 18 '14
Fever Dreams for Pansies - I wish I knew (draft)

Working on a *super DUPER* rough draft of something I wanted to share, here are the words:   (TW for sexual assault, slurs, violence)

Also I start crying near the end which is why it gets extra shaky, sorry.

I wish I knew


If I could haunt you for a day/ would I do it or would I stay?
(Ooh I wish I knew, I wish I knew)
I was playing it for keeps/ you wanted to play in my deep
(Ooh I wish I knew, I wish I knew)
Your breath smelled like cigarettes/ your touch felt like a slow death
(Ooh I wanna hurt you, sometimes)
You came up with such clever names/ but I’m not your “b*tch” and I won’t be staying
(Ooh you lose, you lose)

I don’t want revenge/ but only cause I won’t waste my breath
On scum like you, ooh ooh, on scum like you,
I was just a little girl/ I hope you hurt like I hurt
 I wish I knew, I wish I knew)

I wanna put a little curse on you/ to make you ache the way you made me do
(Ooh I wish I knew I wish I knew)
I wanna treat you like a king/ string you along and sing you to
your death on the cliffs
(whoopsie doo!)
But the worst part is sometimes/ I wanna be just the kind of girl
you wanted me to be (ooh)
I won’t ever shake that off/ but you just go on and
on and on and on and on (ooh)

I don’t want revenge/ but only cause I won’t waste my breath
On scum like you, ooh ooh, on scum like you,
I was just a little girl/ I hope you hurt like I hurt
 I wish I knew, I wish I knew)

Jan 5 '14

boyqueen:

"Freak Body"

Y’all! I made you a thing I’m really happy about : D

I finally did that eyebrow tutorial you’ve been asking for.  Plus I recorded a rough draft of a new song in the background Plus I mixed some clips from Sabrina the Teenage Witch into it. 

Here’s the lyrics, enjoy!

somedays i wake up nauseous
 to the touch, of my own skin to my own skin
somedays i wake up cautious
 of getting out of bed like this

you should know
you should know by now

somedays i wake up perfect
you couldn’t knock me off my cloud if you tried
every inch of this freak body
blessed by the ocean in the deep of the night

everyday i want to destroy and rebuild it
i’m a sculpture i’m a sin, i just want in
how many years how many rings i am alive
elegant frankenstein 

Okay reblogging this because as soon as I posted it I completely lost my self-confidence and hated it. 

But like I have the flu and a loud house and no synthesizing skills and I did this all in a couple takes and wrote and recorded it in an hour so like I NEED TO NOT BE SO HARD ON MYSELF DAMNIT. 

I’m having an okay-confidence moment so I just need to write this down to remind myself like this is a nice and catchy song! And I managed to write a song about dysphoria that makes me want to dance a little and that is really hard for me to do! And i’m slowly moving into the more electronic music I really want to be making! And that is exciting and important!

So stop it self! You have worth and your music is not terrible!

Jan 5 '14

"Freak Body"

Y’all! I made you a thing I’m really happy about : D

I finally did that eyebrow tutorial you’ve been asking for.  Plus I recorded a rough draft of a new song in the background Plus I mixed some clips from Sabrina the Teenage Witch into it. 

Here’s the lyrics, enjoy!

somedays i wake up nauseous
 to the touch, of my own skin to my own skin
somedays i wake up cautious
 of getting out of bed like this

you should know
you should know by now

somedays i wake up perfect
you couldn’t knock me off my cloud if you tried
every inch of this freak body
blessed by the ocean in the deep of the night

everyday i want to destroy and rebuild it
i’m a sculpture i’m a sin, i just want in
how many years how many rings i am alive
elegant frankenstein 

Nov 10 '13

Real quick & rough cover of Criminal by Fiona Apple (acapella).  Been listening to Tidal a lot lately so here you go : )

Oct 28 '13

Being totally mesmerizing while I lipsynch in double to an old recording of “Apples”

(heads up that the song deals with sexual assault)

(The full song w/lyrics can be heard/downloaded here http://feverdreamsforpansies.bandcamp.com/track/apples)

Oct 15 '13

boyqueen:

Cover of “Take Me Home” by Perfume Genius.

A lot of my tumblr friends are having rough times and I want to give you all hugs and money but I don’t have money and you’re too far to hug.  So here’s a song that has gotten me through some rough times. 

(Even though it’s sad which I guess is maybe counter-intuitive? But sad stuff helps me when I’m sad…)

Oct 14 '13

Cover of “Take Me Home” by Perfume Genius.

A lot of my tumblr friends are having rough times and I want to give you all hugs and money but I don’t have money and you’re too far to hug.  So here’s a song that has gotten me through some rough times. 

(Even though it’s sad which I guess is maybe counter-intuitive? But sad stuff helps me when I’m sad…)

Oct 7 '13
Fever Dreams for Pansies - Summertime Sadness (Lana Del Rey cover)

I’m still working on this but here it is for now.  A cover of summertime sadness by the insufferable Lana Del Rey.